When To Move On From Your Self-Help Gurus

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Many know that I am a big fan of self-help literature and people that empower mankind with inspiring strategies and insights that really work. However, very often people fall into the trap, that I did fall into myself too many times.

Instead of applying strategies and making them their own they get distracted by following a self-help guru and get so absorbed in "their show" that they are "consuming their advice" instead of applying their advice. It is much easier, too! But it won't do any good.

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I wrote this article because I got recently quite upset about the stupid Twitter comment from Mel Robins in January 2023, whom I otherwise adored for her energic work with the books "The 5-Second-Rule" and the "High-5-Habit".

Here is my advice on how to deal with self-help gurus and when it is time to move on from them - while still keeping and applying their insights.

Why I Love Self-Help Gurus That Are Dead

I was highly influenced decades ago by positive-thinking authors like Dale Carnegie and quite o lot by Dr. Joseph Murphy. Most of my past successes I can attribute actually to DEAD self-help gurus including the all-time favorite "The Science Of Getting Rich" from Wallace Wattles (1910). To be honest I like to take advice from dead people because I do not get sucked into a personality show. While I of course enjoy interviews and amazing speeches via social media and events I am highly aware of how distracting a "star cult" from a self-help guru can be.

What Happened To Tony Robbins?

End of the 1990s I got really impressed by Tony Robbins and consumed his self-help products (those were actually still real tapes to listen to!) and he became quite an influence on many parts of my life. However, I got so connected and obsessed with his persona that I was shocked when he got divorced and my unrealistic image of him as a human super-being perfect was shattered. How can someone talk and coach others and fall short so much in his personal life - after he achieved so much success and overcame his past problems before with the exact strategies he was teaching? I was shocked, disappointed, and baffled. I disconnected from him and his services.

When his "financial advice books" in 2014 came out I was still upset and annoyed about the fact,  that he was now teaching strategies that he did not use himself to make all the money but hopping instead of making money with "giving advice" again. Think: people sell thousands of books and do consulting and earn money with that - not with the actual strategies they are teaching.

I never looked at anything he did in recent years. HOWEVER: I am still using many of the strategies I learned from him in past. That will not change.

The Secret

A similar thing happened when the movie "The Secret" came out decades ago. It contains great wisdom to be used - despite the fact that a great business drama went on behind the scenes involving problems with copyrights, trademarks, and honoring trademarks in negotiations.  

What Happened With Mel Robins?

Another recent example as of 2022/2023 is Mel Robins, the high-energy American that is inspiring with her lively personality (VERY similar to mine!) with her works of "The 5-Second-Rule" and the "High-5-Habit". Her audiobooks are energetic and fun to listen to and I find them really worth paying for!

She even launched her own podcast end of 2022 and is actually quite hyped as the #1 performing self-help coach in the world. Something I found to be a bit of "too much" in marketing and advertising and defeating the original purpose of inspiring people without turning them into followers of a cult.

Some of her latest podcast episodes I hated, and some I loved. But then I found something she wrote on Twitter that was turning me off so much, that I decided to stop following her anywhere on social media and move on.

Like with Tony Robbins, I move on now without quitting to use some of the great invaluable insights I learned from her.

How To Separate Great Advice From A Persona

The latest "upset" I had was when I joined the APP from "High-Performance Habits" author Brendon Burchard. Actually, Mel Robins has an inspirational social media meme going with the "High-5-Habit" and her "High-5-Habit Challenge" as a marketing gig with Brendon. It is called GrowthDay.

So I joined their network to see what is all about. I had fun taking "High-5-Selfie-Pictures" for a short time until I realized I joined that network and the app way too early and there were not a lot of people and only a few moderators that tried to "hype up" their new members with automated messages of "encouragement". I felt tricked and cheated and the money I paid for the low-level entrance membership was not worth what I got back in value.

In fact, I gave feedback that I do not like the "daily motivational messages" mixed up constantly and daily with upsells and promotions to buy more services and coaching. After that, I just got awkward responses from the support team - and immediately quit using it.

Do I still use strategies and insights from the book by Brendon Burchard "High-Performance Habits"? Of course. But I separate the persona from the advice and just keep the things that work for me and move on, forgetting all about the unpleasant stuff that I did not like at all.

So you can use insights and strategies and leave people behind you to move on and grown on your own. Key insight: YOU are the driving force in your life make things change. It is NEVER them.

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My Own Self-Help Book Is Out: "56 - Hunted by a Number"

Finally, I found the time to share my own story, and turned it into a 56-page self-help book myself called "56 - Hunted by a Number". The German version just got released now and will be available in English in March 2023!